panic

I feel like I am on the verge of a panic attack! And there is nothing that I can do to stop it. I often have this feeling when I am on the verge of making some big decisions about my life. I just know this is going to get in the way for me. My brain is not right. Where is my voice? I can't hear me. Please go away! I don't like feeling this way. I am all tense and my legs feel like I have been doing squats all day.

My Grandpa's health is failing and we have just had a talk, where he tells me that I have basically been a failure in life and that he doesn't really see me doing anything to change that. I try and say that I can see myself changing for the better, but I am afraid that I am wrong. That I will continue along this severely mediocre life.

I am going to try and think positive and just get the things done that I need to in this near future to keep things going. Sometimes though I just need to turn my thoughts off so I don't get myself to the point that I am now. The point where I just want to end it all.