Crazy

Okay so I am getting crazy jealous! And I am trying to tell myself that it is just in my head, and likely it is. Also I shouldn't feel this way, but I do because I still love him! I hate seeing all this stuff that he is doing now that he didn't really do when we were together. Like talk to old friends and comment on girls fb sites that he knows from back in college. It is soo silly. He is going to raves and clubs and having fun. And I want to rip my heart out!

I have gained 15lbs in the past 2 months! Fifteen Fucking Pounds! Even though I am working out, I am consuming way to many calories. And most of it happens at night, late at night. I have drank about 2 gallons of chocolate milk in the past week. And ice cream, and Oreo cookies at Mary's when I am working out! Put the shit down! I don't know why I get so stressed out at night that I have this unstoppable need to snack on sweets. I really should just go to bed earlier then I won't feel the need. But it is more often then not the only time that it is quite and no one is around. No cars making noise outside. Bleehh!

Only good news now is that I was accepted to SUNY Purchase. And that makes me excited. Just wish I had found that school a year ago. Things might have been a lot different. But I guess I will just have to make up for that. Make that up to myself, I don't think I can make that up to him.

Next is getting a job. It was really stupid of me not to get back to Columbia Sportswear with that other number. But I didn't really want to work again in retail. I think Deans is going to work out, and more then likely I will get more hours. I should go in there tomorrow. We shall see.